did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
