im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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