Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
