i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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