You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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