i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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