Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
