I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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