dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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