sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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