Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize