and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
