I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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