guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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