Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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