i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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