no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
