Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
