So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
