Why are handjobs necessary in class?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
