You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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