i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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