I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize