gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
