You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
