i need an iv and a liver transplant
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
