Are we in a gay sports bar?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
