South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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