Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
