i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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