He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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