Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
