fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
