I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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