I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Drunk is not a location!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize