is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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