WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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