I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
