Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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