Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
