You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
