I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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