I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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