you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
