My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
