I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
