Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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