if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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