I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
