did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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