Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
