"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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