Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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