You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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