your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
