I wanna passion pit in your ass
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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