I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
