I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
