Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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