So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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