nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
