he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
