Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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