evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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