I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
