somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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