mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize