Me too!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
