I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
