Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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