I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you had me at cake vodka
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
