Kiss
Puke
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
