Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
