so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
